


i'll hold on (to you)

by mthrfluffer



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M, Time Skips, but also au?, is this angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:54:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthrfluffer/pseuds/mthrfluffer
Summary: The Hanahaki disease is that topic everybody knows but no one acknowledges, the pain of the victims way too deep, way too personal to turn it into gossip, into small talk, into hall chatter.He didn’t know it would be this agonizing.He just wanted to keep his love.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

The lights of the dorm were off when I arrived, Jongin wasn’t here. I sighed, relieved to be alone. My body felt heavy, a trace of discomfort tingled along my spine. The camping trip took a toll on me, emotionally. While being there, despite the big cameras and almost controlled interactions, Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s company was genuine, my two friends’ presence drowning the thoughts that sometimes were too loud. But when we finished filming and we were on our way back home, disappointment seeped into the car. Chanyeol was driving, looking at me from time to time, while Junmyeon slept in the back seat, his head hanging down over his crossed arms.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol whispered when we heard the soft snoring of our leader. Chanyeol was the only one that knew, the one who listened to the rushed words years ago when he found me drinking and cursing the love I have for the man sleeping peacefully behind us. I hummed, calm.

“It’s not like I didn’t know...” and the words played themselves one more time against my wishes.  _ ‘You are like a blood-related brother to me’. _ It was painful, it moved the pit of my stomach horribly and made me want to scream. He had said (more like wrote it on a heartfelt letter) that. Again.

“It’s dumb,” Chanyeol whispered after a while “it’s like he doesn’t realize.”

“I’m pretty sure he knows his own feelings,”

“Then you are dumb too if you don’t see it,” I stayed silent, small strings of hope pulling my heart and a sharper pain echoed in my chest. 

I was going to be fine, regardless of how he felt for me. He would enlist mid-May and I would be busy preparing the new album. Busy finding ways not to miss him.


	2. Chapter 2

Thankfully the bar was quiet today since I had to wait a bit more since Chanyeol just told me he was running late. The slim black notebook that was resting inside my coat pocket still felt present, too hunting. I looked out of the window, the storm pouring into the streets like it hadn’t been raining the entire month, limiting my options to distract myself. It was either staying at home and endlessly trying to have a good time or going out risking my physical health. Most of the time I stayed in, even if it meant dealing with my mind and my two dogs by myself.

There was a reason for my habit of going out to be so persistent. I was a pretty reserved person most of the time, but what my thoughts liked to do was the opposite. And with Junmyeon gone...

The void that I lovingly felt below my ribs ached for a second, remembering his morning text:  _ ‘My Sehunnie, you have a meeting today, right? When it’s time for you to go out take an umbrella with you, and a padded coat. Don’t forget your mask. Love you, J.’ _ The coat was suffocating, but I had it with me and I always carried an umbrella in my car, anyway. But the void moved happily below my ribs because the worry and care that shaped Junmyeon’s messages were enough to keep me loving him. Sadly.

“Hey, sorry I took so long,” I heard from my right, I looked up and Chanyeol was smiling at me.

“It’s okay. Everything good?”

“Yep, Baek needed help with the furniture in his new studio, it was a quick stop.”

“How is he?” I said while he was taking a seat next to me, and I made a mental note to call Baekhyun later.

“By the way he looks, he’s doing fine. You know he’s never been good at hiding his emotions.”

“Not from us, at least.” Chanyeol let out a little laugh and took the menu that was in front of him.

“Have you ordered?” 

“I ate before coming here,” he snorted, going through the menu.

“I need you to order something or you will steal half of my plate.” I hesitated before taking the menu from his hands and picking something. After all, I knew this would be a long night.

We ate while catching up. Apparently after hitting one million subscribers on his youtube channel, many more came and faster than before. He kept himself busy composing and writing, Mq being his company throughout the weekdays. I told him about the set of TV shows I had watched that week and I offhandedly commented that I had filled a sixth diary with nothing more than lyrics. Well, more like little snippets of thoughts. He stayed quiet at that and pointed my pale skin.

“I’m fine,”

“Famous last words,”

“Yeol...”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you like this,”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re ready to crawl under the blankets and sleep for a week at any given moment.” 

“That sounds like an excellent idea, though.” I joked, but his worry shielded my intention. He kept his gaze on me, studying me carefully “Come on, hyung. Don’t frown like that,” but his shoulders were still. He took my right hand into his and intertwined our fingers. It felt somewhat wrong and yet, I couldn’t pull away. Not from Chanyeol. 

“I don’t want you to suffer like this anymore,”

“I really don’t have a say in this matter. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving-” my chest felt a sharp pull at the confession, the fingers of my best friend kept me grounded. "He is everywhere. He is-... Chanyeol, I-I..." 

"He is not here, and it's dangerous for you to feel this way after these many years,"

"I know..." another sharp pull sparked across my back and worry flowed through me, knowing there was something off. I looked at our hands and kept my mind in there, focusing on keeping my fear at bay.

“Let’s get started," he said after what felt like hours. "Gaeko will be here in twenty,” I nodded, pleased when he let my hand go. “Did you bring one of your diaries?” he asked after ten minutes of comfortable silence. I placed my notebook on the table and Chanyeol took it, wearing his conceited smirk as he started to read the lyrics I had been pouring in there for the past weeks. “These are good, Hunnie.”

“Thanks,” Chanyeol kept reading and nodding along, happy with what he was seeing until Gaeko arrived with his usual good mood. From there our night passed swiftly, joking around and getting work done at the same time. I thought that I would feel good by being here after many days of lockdown, but there was a weight on me I couldn’t ignore. They didn’t notice and I kept quiet for the rest of the night, aware we had to part ways at some point and I wouldn’t have to hide the pain on my chest. 

“Let me know if you need anything,” Chanyeol whispered while he hugged me goodbye. We were on the underground parking lot of the restaurant and I nodded, smiling as bright as I normally would, not wanting to look at him in the eyes. I turned to Gaeko, who was a few meters away.

“See you around, Sehun!” I waved at him and saw him leave while Chanyeol walked over to his car. I wanted him gone.

“Call me when you get home.” I nodded again, praying he wouldn’t notice. “Take care, Sehunnie,” he said before driving away, and by that point, tears were blurring my vision.

When his car was out of my sight, I folded over myself, pain striking my back, my stomach and my lungs. I opened my mouth and pinkish petals fell on the asphalt, and I dropped on my knees, feeling too weak to be standing. I closed my eyes, tears full of pain and fear streaming down my face, without making a sound. I didn’t want to look at them, I knew what they meant and I knew what was coming. My love for Kim Junmyeon was finally killing me.


	3. Chapter 3

I always loved this season. I usually spend it next to my floor-to-ceiling window, covered by several blankets and surrounded by my best friend’s bad jokes, both of us waiting for the first snow. Junmyeon would try to cook dinner but helplessly fail and call for delivery. Junmyeon would make hot drinks and he would fill Vivi’s bowls of food and water. Junmyeon would make fun of me because I started to sing like an old man again and then he would poke my cheeks when I would pout. Junmyeon would know what to do. Junmyeon wouldn’t let me die.

I looked around. Every surface of my apartment was covered with flowers I didn’t know the name of. They were pink or lilac or blueish, and they were fucking pretty. Many were withering, many were fresh from this morning, their weird aftertaste lingering. I stood up from the couch and walked over to the window. I could feel the lively vibe of the city below me and the realization of another change washed over me. I wanted to be here, inside my safe four walls, alone. The outside air was painful and it was difficult to hide my illness when I was out there. I already managed to survive almost the entire year with this, I deserve a peaceful and painless existence now.

Nobody realized, my members were happily ignorant of my health and my doctor agreed to keep it that way. It wasn’t easy, but I handled the new album’s promotion period without anyone noticing. In the beginning, I thought I wouldn’t be able to record the album, but it turned out that even when he was the cause of my pain, the memories of Junmyeon also helped as an anesthetic. Focusing on our nights holding each other, our trips overseas, his legs intertwined with mine when we were younger, made me strong enough to finish that part of the year. Chanyeol would comment on my somber attitude but I was able to hide it from him as well. He was my closest friend, but too oblivious to know what was happening.

The months hovered over me despite the effort of masking every action I did. It was almost December and soon, Minseok would come back, adding another person to my surroundings. And maybe I could hide it from him too, but January would come and it would bring someone who could see through me.


	4. Chapter 4

Chaos. Baekhyun was yelling. Chanyeol was yelling back. Everyone was looking at me with different expressions. Jongin perched against my body, his warmth drowning me, hands pressed on my chest. Minseok and Jongdae were in front of me, talking to each other via whispers. Baekhyun yelling some more.

“Why didn’t you say anything? For fuck’s sake, Chanyeol, where were you that you didn’t notice? It’s been months, almost a year! I still can’t believe you didn’t say anything! I enlist next month and you were not going to tell me?! Why didn’t you say anything, Oh Sehun?” I looked up. Apparently, I had the chance to answer for the first time since the pause he was giving me was longer. 

“I didn’t want to tell you because I wanted to avoid this,” my voice, hoarse, came out like a broken noise. “It was bad enough to imagine my death and as selfish as I am, I didn’t want to contemplate your mourning while I was still alive.” not a single sound was heard at that moment. The tension in the room crushed me as they started to process my words.

“What are you saying?” Minseok said, walking out of the corner of the room and sitting by my side.

“You won’t go through surgery,” Jongdae completed, reading me. Jongin’s body tensed, and Chanyeol looked at me in disbelief. 

“You’re kidding,”

“I never saw it as an option,”

I knew it was downright stupid to not consider surgery but as sick as it sounds, Junmyeon’s love was an essential part of me. I was Oh Sehun, the youngest member of EXO, who was Suho’s support, who loved his leader and was loyal to him. The probability of not remembering him after...

Kyungsoo came back from the kitchen and gave me a bowl of rice with beans even though I had only one free arm, Jongin cuddled against me like a stubborn cat. Kyungsoo had his brow frowned but the soft expression he wore made me feel safer. It was the same face he had when he found the lonely flower on my kitchen countertop. He took the flower carefully between his fingers and asked me why my fridge was empty, asked why all the pictures I had with Junmyeon were gone, asked why my voice sounded weak. Kyungsoo saw the truth through my answers and we both knew he had the power to convince me to save myself. 

“Soo...”

“Don’t say anything. You know my opinion on this. I support your decisions, I supported you from the moment I realized what was happening but there is something off about it,” everyone turned to him, waiting. “You wanted me to know, didn’t you? I didn’t find out thanks to my detective skills, you were being obvious. You wanted me to know because if I did, I could be your rational side. You don’t want to die, Sehun. You’re scared of losing your memories, that’s all.” 

_ ‘Yes’ _ , I thought as the room felt lighter. 

“I’ve known him for so long, if I lose a single memory of us nothing will be the same,” I felt the arms around my shoulders tighten, Baekhyun sat on the floor next to my knees. “I don’t want to lose him.”

“But it’s okay if we lose you? That  _ I _ lose you?” Chanyeol remarked, pleading look, his eyes on mine. “What about the unit? What about our summer comebacks? You’re leaving me alone, Sehun.” 

“I won’t. I need time, Yeol, I just need time,”

“Let me know when you’re ready, then. I can’t be here while you kill yourself.” he crossed the living room and left, the messy mop of his hair was the last thing I saw of him, the slam of the door the last thing I heard. Minseok reached the back of my head and petted me softly.

“You’ll have us, Hunnie. We’ll be there,” 

My body felt suddenly smaller under the look of my brothers. The yelling had stopped, everyone looked calm and hopeful for the first time since Kyungsoo and I arrived and told them what was happening to me. I wasn’t afraid. Not that much, not at everything. The void between my ribs tingled, empty.

My phone buzzed and when I looked at the message, my throat got itchy. Junmyeon’s story of how he hadn’t been recognized by two girls with EXO phone cases painted a pretty little picture in my eyes. I turned off the device and whispered a last request. 

“Don’t tell him,”

Their silence felt like a promise.


	5. Chapter 5

I checked my passport one more time, to be sure. The flight to LA would leave in an hour and we had to be ready. Yixing was sleeping next to me, mouth open, dimple showing and I felt thankful for not being alone on this trip. I knew Kyungsoo and Minseok had influenced the managers to let me have a week off before the surgery and they were also the reason Yixing was next to me. I poked his shoulder and he slowly tried to focus his gaze.

“Is it time?”

“Not yet, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“You’re nervous,” I looked at him, questioning. “Suho told me you’re very talkative when you are.” 

I hummed in response, knowing it was true. 

When Yixing accidentally sent a picture arriving at Seoul in the group chat saying he was excited to go to LA with me, Junmyeon sent a list with things he would have to do while traveling with me and the best wishes to enjoy our time abroad. Neither of them let me read the list, but according to Chanyeol, it was accurate. I looked at Yixing again. He was smiling, offering me his hand.

“He told you I like to hold hands, didn’t he?” 

“No. He said I should give you space, that you would hold my hand if you wanted to. But I missed you, so...” I placed my hand on his, void removing unsatisfied. “You okay?”

_ ‘I don’t know _ ,’ was what I wanted to say. 

Junmyeon’s mention made me feel uneasy. I missed him, but my condition kept me from thinking of him unless the pain was unbearable. The symptoms were the same from last year: coughing flowers, pain on my lungs, lower back and stomach, dizziness, and sudden headaches. Dr. Yun had told me that as long the pain stopped for constant periods, there was no rush to perform emergency surgery. That gave me more time with my memories and Chanyeol, the person who was against waiting, was already handling it better, aware we had everything under control.

A week after I told them, he arrived at my place with pizza and the intention to stay with me for a couple of months. At some point Minseok, Jongin, and Kyungsoo joined him, with the sporadic visits of Jongdae and his family. My house felt crowded but I was glad to have them around me. Junmyeon had a leave around that time and to say he got confused by five grown men living in an apartment with two rooms and a couch would be an understatement. Jongin implied another person inside my place wouldn’t hurt and our leader arrived with a small backpack and an array of stories. Would it be pathetic to say my pain went away during those three days?

Would it be predictable to say withdrawal symptoms were ten times worse after?

Junmyeon’s next leave would be the week after the surgery and by that time my chest will be clean and his anesthetic effects on me would be gone. No need to focus on breathing techniques because the flowers that were growing inside me would be out. No need for painkillers, heat packs for my chest, or worried looks. The flowers would be dying at some refuse disposal at the hospital and my love would be dying with them, blurred memories would be the only proof I once loved my best friend. With that Junmyeon would be gone form my system and a stabbing pain filled the void at the realization.  _ Junmyeon would be gone _ .

“It’s time,” Yixing whispered, standing up. 

He took our luggage and backpacks and we exited my apartment. The pain was still there, muted and different. My fear was telling me to wait, warning me about the differences this feeling had with my usual ache but Yixing was pulling me and I followed recklessly, stubbornly. We arrived at the airport on time. There were cameras and fans and people and spaces too narrow and Yixing was pulling me. I felt cold sweat run under my shirt, under my coat, between our hands and he was still pulling me.

Camera flashes and the manager telling us to hurry and  _ deep breaths, Sehun, take deep breaths _ and my knees were weaker. My throat was closing, my vision was going black and Yixing stopped. His hand on my neck and yelling around me and people saying to lay me down, to watch my head, his hands on my face, shaking. 

_ “Sehun, breathe...”  _

I was choking.

I was dying.

And as a single flower left my lips, the world around me disappeared.


	6. Chapter 6

I looked out of the window while the bus welcomed more people. I had a mask on and my reading glasses, I was wearing a gray beanie and had a black sweatshirt on. No one would recognize me, busy with their own thoughts, and even if they did they would greet me shyly and move to other matters. I had my headphones on, a foreign song playing softly against my eardrums and I couldn’t help feeling slightly melancholic thanks to the weather. The bus started moving again. It was almost eight o’clock which meant Yixing and Sehun’s flight would leave in half an hour. I missed that boy.

Sehun thought we would see each other until next week, but I arrived earlier with the idea to surprise him. Not early enough to catch him before his flight, apparently.

I checked my phone, scrolling through social media and the news, but nothing seemed to be interesting enough to keep my attention. I looked out again, pausing the music with the hopes of getting some sleep. The sky was white. A firm layer of autumn clouds covered the city.

A soft gasp in the seat in front of me.

A girl reaching to her friend’s hand and giving her a phone. Wide eyes. Whispers. Dread.

And then, a phone call.

“Suho, where are you?” Chanyeol sounded rushed, heavy breaths, and ruffling at the other side of the call.

“On my way to the dorms. Why? What happened?”

“Manager Yongmin will be waiting for you at the bus stop,”

“Chanyeol, what happened?”

“Sehun had to be taken to the hospital, Jun.”

_“What?”_

“I don’t know what happened. Yixing called me, he was too shocked to tell me anything, just managed to say an ambulance took Sehun to the hospital and that he was going with him on the company’s car.”

“Were they at the airport?”

“Yes. Pictures are out, Junmyeon, everyone is freaking out,”

“I’ll call later,” I hang up on him, not bothering on waiting for an answer.

If they were at the airport it meant cameras and fans were there. It meant it was already trending. And I was right. The news was taking over under multiple hashtags: _‘OhSehunIncheon’, ‘SehunBeSafe’, ‘SehunComeBackHealthy’, ‘SMAnswerUs’, ‘WeLoveOurMaknae’_. The pictures of his pale face burned my sight, the videos of them walking hand in hand until Sehun’s legs stopped responding and Yixing took him into his arms, shielding him from everyone was where I had to stop looking. _What had happened?_

I stood up. My body was twitching with anxiety and this bus felt horribly small. _‘He is fine’_ I kept repeating, trying to calm myself. I walked to the back doors, ready to jump out of the vehicle as soon as it stopped. My fingers tingled with fear, I took out my phone and I opened my chat with Sehun, reading the messages from last night. I had told him to eat healthy meals while on vacation and he answered with a pizza emoji, then a yellow heart. _What the hell had happened?_ My thumb moved to the call button without thinking and pressed it. I wasn’t expecting an answer but when the call was cut automatically, a short breath got stuck in my throat.

The bus stopped and opened its doors, cold air hitting my face. Yongmin was waiting with concern on his look.

“Any news?” I asked, following him to the black van.

“We called his family, his mother is on her way and his brother has to finish his shift at work but as soon as he’s free he’ll go to the hospital,” I nodded, my mood changing immediately to my position in the group, protectiveness jumping naturally. To my surprise, there was someone else in the van. He sat there looking at me, subtle indignation and worry plastered on his face.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Seat belt,” was the answer I got “we’re going to the hospital.”

Tension built up inside the car as we drove farther away from the bus stop and I was sure it had nothing to do with Sehun’s current state. Kyungsoo was not someone who got worked up easily while emergency situations happened, but his stiff shoulders and cold demeanor was borderline scaring me, showing me that this incident might have been caused by something bigger. Something I wasn’t aware of. Something scarier than a simple illness.

“If something happens to Sehun, I’m going to leave the company,” Kyungsoo muttered at that moment, jaw clenched. His statement made me warier. I took his hand instinctively and moved next to him but his body remained hardened by my side.

“He will be fine, Soo.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know anything,” he answered, voice filled with bitterness, and his words lit my always-too-soft anger

“Tell me then,” he was taken aback by my changed tone, his eyes bore holes into my face.

“Kyungsoo, you know is not our place,” Yongmin chipped in.

“Why did you bring him, then? He’ll find out one way or another,”

“Sehun told us to...”

“Look what happened, Yongmin,” he said to our manager, hand still on mine “now Sehun is not even in the condition to say anything.” I waited, the fact that everyone knew what had happened nagging at the back of my head, but focused on what was happening in front of me. Kyungsoo shifted to face me and his expression broke me a little more. The car was moving slowly and my surroundings darkened as soon as we entered the hospital’s underground parking lot.

“How would you feel if...”

“Kyungsoo...” Youngmin whispered, warning him to stop.

“...if I tell you Sehun has hanahaki?”

 _Oh. That was what happened, then._ Kyungsoo kept looking at me, dark eyes peeling my thoughts. I took a deep breath and my mind coated the answer with the hypothetical because denial was going strong on my system.

“I would be devastated. I would feel sorry because he finally had found someone to love but he loved so much that...” Kyungsoo lowered his gaze “I would find them and beg them to love him back,” my voice became a whisper, words shattering. I had no doubts. I would look for them, take their hands and beg them to love him, I would kneel if I had to just so Sehun could be safe again.

The car stopped and Yongmin stepped out while my mind was still struggling to get a hold of the physical plane. Kyungsoo let go of my hands and did the same, waiting for me. The elevator was close, and as we reached the fifth floor and the doors opened I forced myself to focus on Sehun. _‘He is going to be fine,’_ I thought again at the sight of his mother, small frame, dark hair, and firm stance. I was about to go to her when Kyungsoo grabbed my wrist and cemented the last of my stability.

“Would you beg _yourself_?”

Realization hit hard, knocking the air I had left inside my lungs. His eyes were on me again but this time I couldn’t hold them, heaviness choking me while the pressure of his hand on my arm burned. He let go of me and followed our manager, unimpressed by my lack of a clear answer.

Time turned bubbly after that. My hands were either resting on Mrs. Oh’s shoulder or tapping the seconds away against the back of my phone. It went bubbly while I bought coffee for my members, it went bubbly when Chanyeol and Minseok got there and Yixing left to get well-deserved sleep. It went bubbly when Dr. Yun arrived and addressed Kyungsoo asking him about Sehun’s state and went into his room. It slowed down when she came out, a small twitch on her lips while looking at me. It stopped when she told me he was asking for me.

I realized at that very moment his life was on my hands and relief took over at the thought. _‘He will be fine’_ I thought for the last time at the moment I opened the door and locked eyes with him.

He had his back against the wall and somehow that 28-year-old, six-foot-tall man looked tiny. I suddenly remembered the first time I laid eyes on him, back to our trainee days. He wasn’t much taller than me, hair brownish and messy. The first thing that crossed my mind was a simple _‘cute’_. The only difference between trainee Junmyeon and right-now Junmyeon was that I knew it was love from the very first second. I realized I hadn’t moved an inch, thoughts swirling around, and that gave him the opportunity to read my expression.

“You know,” I nodded. “Who told you?”

“Kyungsoo,” I answered, moving towards the only chair in the room and taking a seat.

“I figured,” his face was looking immensely better than the pictures I saw, but his expression was still weak.

“How do you feel?”

“Like I have a garden growing inside my chest,” he sighed, playful tone, playful smile “but better than yesterday.”

“What did Dr. Yun tell you?”

“She said I was discharged, no need for surgery yet,”

“I don’t think you’ll need it...”

“Jun...”

“I know, I know. It’s just...” I stood up from the chair and went to him, taking his hand on mine. I kneeled and heard how the monitor connected to his pulse started to go a bit faster. In my mind, there were many scenarios where I finally confessed my love but this situation was bigger than that, the way he was looking at me with hope and fear was bigger than that. “Why didn’t you tell me, Sehun?” he turned to the window and remained silent. Minute over minute passed and I got no answer, so I spoke again. “I remember how it felt when I realized I loved you. We were promoting ‘Lucky one’, we recorded for Music Core that day and we were exhausted. All you wanted to do was sleep but I made the mistake of stealing the blankets and the face of utter betrayal you pulled was enough for me to apologize, wrap you against my chest, and process at the back of my head how deeply in love I was with you.”

“You realized you loved me because of that?” a smaller, more definite nod. He took a deep breath and rested his head against the bed frame but eventually, he whispered “That was four years ago. Why didn’t you get sick?”

“I’m not sure. I had yearly check-ups and everything is working perfectly,” he nodded, lips pursed and a soft frown.

“This means I will live, right? No surgery and no risk of losing our memories. We will be fine, right?” a warm, overwhelming feeling spread across my body, blush ran to my neck and my face, and Sehun smiled at me with glassy eyes. Without any restraints left on my actions, I stood up and leaned in just to be closer to him, forehead resting on his shoulder. I felt his breath quiver and the way he nuzzled his nose against me was enough to settle our current situation.

“We will be fine,” I was certain. “We should talk to Dr. Yun, though, I’d imagine there is a process for happily-ever-after endings,” I said simply, walking to the door with the intention of finding his physician, but something made me stop. I turned, went back to take his hand, and with newfound freedom, I kissed him. Time stopped again, a light cold shiver passed through me and when Sehun found his confidence and grabbed me by the neck, a smile made its way to my lips. “I love you, Sehun.”

Beeping, beeping. Another kiss.

“I love you too, hyung.”


	7. Epilogue

Somehow, idol news were always capable of taking control over the internet. Images of idol Oh Sehun collapsing into his bandmate Zhang Yixing were all over social media. The rumors came as fast as the snap of a picture.

_ “Is it something serious?” _

_ “I heard SM is pushing him too hard again.” _

_ “Oh no, I believe he was just drunk.” _

_ “Heart attack?” _

_ “No way, he’s 28,” _

_ “People saw him spitting a trace of flowers.” _

_ “Hanahaki, then?” _

_ “Hanahaki” _

_ “But for who?” _

Whispers, and posts, and theories and sometimes fake statements could be found with a simple click.

And then, Junmyeon, his leader and best friend, being on leave and in Seoul the same day took over like fire. ‘It’s a coincidence’ many said and many more were suspicious.

But days passed. SM announced EXO’s Sehun was stable and recovering from a mild infection. And days passed again. Junmyeon had no updates, none of the members did, and everyone was growing restless. More days flew by. Jongin was seen at a restaurant. Another week. Minseok did a live aiming the camera mainly at Kyungsoo’s cooking hands. It was another month, a couple of days before Chanyeol’s enlistment and then, Instagram user and spoiler-giver royalty  _ oohsehun _ posted a picture.

It was a simple shot of a slim black notebook full of his handwriting, pieces of a song from their last album, a flower pressed against the pages, a blue sweet pea. And adorning the picture, seven words that were familiar to many, lyrics from an almost forgotten song.

_ Show me where you want to go _ .

The message was subtle enough, soft familiar feeling covered their lives again. No questions were asked, no denial on their gazes. Everyone seemed to understand, and they were fine.

They were fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end
> 
> thanks for reading c:


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